Divorce and the attendant anxiety

 Divorce is a substantial life changing event at many levels.  For many women in long term relationships, it is sometimes awakening to the possibility of living with considerably less monetary resources. Here is a fictitious story :

 A woman decided to part ways with her husband of many years.  Emotional upheaval aside, she had to contend with the reality of having to make tough financial decisions. As part of the divorce settlement she got custody of her three children, the couples’ two houses, one of which was a vacation home and some other assets.  Going through her finances, she realized that the amount of monthly expenses far exceeded her income.  Cutting some of the discretionary expenses would help, however would not be nearly enough. The next logical step would be sell the vacation house in the mountains.   The thought was at once unbearable to her. She became highly anxious as she pondered over her uncertain future.  As fear grew, more uncertainties came to mind. At some point it became so overwhelming and she was paralyzed by fear into making any decision at all.

The reason for reluctance is sometimes expressed as “I do not want to part with a house or a certain object”  however, the underlying cause can be vastly larger. It is the insecurity, the anxiety, the what if’s, the how’s?  When faced with large and intractable challenges,  the future appears to loom large like a vast unknown and that makes one anxious.   But my question is – is it really the case that it is the unknown that intimidates?  For the future is unknown 100% of the time not just today. We presume that the future will be a continuation of the past but it rarely is.  Difficult transition times in our lives force us to become aware of the fact that we live on the edge of the unknown “all of the time” and not just “some of the time”.  The fear of the unknown makes one feel restricted, visualize fewer options and one begins climbing the pyramid of anxiety. As one reaches higher levels on the pyramid of anxiety, one can become paralyzed into inaction and left feeling overwhelmed. 

Climbing the pyramid of anxiety takes many forms whether it’s worrying about children, jobs, home, health or just getting through the next day. What is important is to realize when you are on the path climbing up the pyramid. Once you know that you are on the pyramid, the challenge is to get off by focusing on the positives in your life, having faith in yourself, your capabilities, your family, the people around you.  Another ancient wisdom that can be a great tool for quelling anxiety is developing a sense of gratitude for the meaningful things that still exist and surround you.  This may appear to be an insurmountable task at first.  You could for example get started by writing down ten positive things that happened in your life in the last ninety days. The key here is to write them down. These could be as small as “I can set the thermostat where I like it to be.” 

 My goal is to help my clients not only deal with the financial challenges that accompany divorce but to help recognize and  resolve their sources of anxiety and help resume their path towards confidence and growth.  Please feel free to contact me with any specific challenges or questions that you are facing . I share my expertise through numerous public speaking engagements such as the upcoming workshop: Divorce 101: Preparing and understanding DRFA’s. (see details) . You  can also contact me by leaving your comments in the comment box below or by email at Suzanne.durbin@gvfinancial.com.

Building Blocks of Wealth

Do you remember the time when your toddler child had a temper tantrum?  Do you remember when your child turned red in anger and lay screaming with arms and leg flailing in the air and everyone around expected you to get the child to quiet down and behave?  Almost every one of us can recall such a moment. It may have been many years ago but memories of those moments of helplessness of the distant past are still sharp.

Emotions ran high and at some point you probably tried using phrases such as “please stop otherwise you will lose your privileges” or “think about what you are doing” or other similar reminders to consequences for bad behavior. You may also recall that such calls to rationality were quite ineffective in a highly emotional situation.

In our adult lives, we may be a lot more adept at controlling and expressing our emotions in socially acceptable ways, but emotions greatly influence our actions.

For example: The recent run up in the stock markets has many of us feeling much better than we did a few months ago.  Higher net worth gives us a greater sense of security, greater freedom and more success and it feels good to be better off than most of your college buddies. Conversely, when the stock markets turn down or our businesses encounter a rough patch, loss of money can trigger feelings of fear and anxiety. 

When the markets turned down last March and you were probably left feeling quite uncomfortable and uncertain, you may have called on the expertise of your financial advisor. It is likely that your financial advisor or investment expert showed you cash flow analyses, historical charts and other sophisticated metrics and asked you to be rational or think long term.  Those calls to rationality may have stopped you from making poor investment choices, however it had little effect on how you felt. 

Those negative feelings however, may have exacted a huge opportunity cost. Feelings of anxiety can cause you to pull back and hunker down and if anxiety is high enough, feel paralyzed and overwhelmed.  Under such circumstances, you may fail to recognize opportunities or even if you spot them, become risk averse and be somewhat uncertain and unwilling to capitalize on them.  You may have even begun to question the quality or profitability of some of your endeavors.

With the help of a GWT advisor, you can re-tool yourself to leverage your emotions to your advantage and convert them into the foundation, the building blocks of your true wealth. This can help recharge and rebuild, and help create a life you desire in ways you may not have considered before.  

If you would like to learn more, please register today to experience of Guided Wealth Transformation™, a innovative one hour interactive workshop designed to help successful individuals like you use your wealth to create the best life possible.  It’s a free, no obligation offer. Please email me at info@gvfinancial.com  to register.