The Blame Game

Do you expect perfection from the people you interact with?   Do you expect the people you do business with to get it right the first time? When the inevitable mistake happens, do you quickly go to the blame game?   What is wrong with these people?  Are they lazy, or stupid, or do they just not care?

Perfection is a tough standard. Like yourself, the people you do business with are human beings.  Humans make mistakes.

Do you not only expect perfection from others, but also expect perfection from yourself?  When you fall short of perfect, do you turn the blame game on yourself? Do you call yourself stupid, lazy, or blind to the realities around you?

I believe the majority of people, myself included, strive to do a great job at work.  I have yet to meet the individual striving for mediocrity.  The truth is sometimes life gets in the way, or systems get in the way and snafus occur.  When I turn away from the blame game and have compassion for the people struggling to get it right, it is much easier for me to have compassion for myself.

When I see myself with compassionate eyes, I feel less agitated, and I can move ahead with confidence and a clear mind.

Can you avoid the blame game?

Faith With Open Eyes

The path to pursuing our dreams is never an easy one.  There are always setbacks, challenges and unforeseen obstacles that get in our way. Despite our best efforts, we get knocked down again and again and again.

Faith is what keeps us going.  Faith that we will achieve our dream. Faith gives us the power to persevere, to keep pushing forward when all seems lost. Without our capacity for faith, we would quit when the going gets tough.

We cannot, however, close our eyes to the challenges and obstacles that lay before us.  We can’t pretend they don’t exist – they do. We can’t hope they will just go away – they won’t.

We must look ahead with open eyes as we confront our challenges and obstacles head on.  This is not easy.  It’s hard to admit our challenges are daunting, and continually explore new ways to overcome them.  It is hard to struggle in the face of adversity.

Hard, but almost always worth it. Because the struggle makes us stronger, and because we are at our best when we pursue our dreams.

Embrace Your Humanity

A loved one passes away. We suffer a financial setback. Our marriage hits the rocks. We are diagnosed with a serious, maybe life-threatening illness. Our children struggle.

All too often, we lament, ‘Why me?’ Or, ‘It’s not fair!’  We look around and it seems like everyone else is doing fine. Why do we have to endure this terrible hardship?

We have to endure this hardship because we are human. Inevitably, we all go through tough times.  Nobody escapes it.

When we tell ourselves it’s not fair and ask why me, we deny our humanity and increase our suffering.

But when we embrace our humanity, we realize tough times are part of life.  We shift our focus from feeling sorry for ourselves to figuring out how we can seek support to help us navigate these difficult times.  We shift from being a victim to taking charge of our lives.

Can you embrace your humanity the next time the going gets tough?

It’s Dark Out There

Do you ever feel like you are wandering in the dark?

There is something missing in my life, and I can’t figure out what it is.

My child is struggling, and I don’t know how to help her.

My big project at work is overwhelming.

The sobering truth is there are many times in life where we feel lost and confused. We don’t know what to do; we can’t see the path ahead of us. As we peer into the darkness before us, every step seems treacherous.

We might not be able to see far into the distance, but we often can see a short distance in front of us. Focus on that. Stop asking yourself how to solve the problem; start asking yourself what is the next right step for me to take. Take that one step. Then focus on the next short distance, the next right thing to do.

As you focus on each small step, have faith that you will figure it out. Have faith that you will get to where you need to go. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself of the enormous resources at your disposal, your Signature Talents™ and accrued wisdom, your network, your intelligence, persistence and resilience.

Do you feel like you are wandering in the dark? Can you look to the future with faith and confidence and take that all-important next step?

What Are You Waiting For?

I want to spend more time with my kids who are growing up way too fast. 

I want to learn to play the piano. 

I want a job that I feel good about. 

I want to raft down the Colorado River.   

My wife and I have been struggling in our marriage for years; I want to be in a mutually supportive, loving relationship. 

I want to . . .

Time inexorably marches on.  Tomorrow is promised to nobody.

Live your life. Take chances. Be crazy. Don’t wait.  Because right now is the oldest you have ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be again.

What are you waiting for?

Money on My Mind

How often do you think about money? Do you worry about losing your money or not having enough for retirement? How often do you look at your investments or calculate your net worth? Do you worry about paying your bills? Do you use money as a measuring stick for knowing if you’re getting ahead or falling behind?

It’s easy to obsess about money. Easy, but not helpful.

As humans, we can focus our attention on only one thing at a time. When we obsess about money, we diminish our ability to live in the present, to connect with the people around us, or simply to have fun.

Our financial situation doesn’t change very much every day. A well-diversified portfolio doesn’t need daily monitoring. Worrying about our bills doesn’t help get them paid. Using money as a measuring stick just distracts us from what really matters in life.

Turning off our mind’s money chatter is not easy, but it is possible if we take some simple steps. Turn off the financial talking heads. Check your portfolio every month, or better yet, every quarter or even annually. If you are a worrier, set aside ten minutes a day to worry about money and banish those worries for the rest of the day. Cultivate a sense of gratitude for your abundant life blessings.

How can you think less about money?

The 30-Minute Toaster Trap

After years of faithful service, my toaster needs replacing.  On Sunday morning, I decided to shop on Amazon for a new one. With just a few key strokes and clicks, I had hundreds to choose from.  I started reading the reviews to understand toaster technology and to figure out which toaster would be right for me.

After 30 minutes, a startling realization hit me like a bolt of lightning.  I was spending my precious time on a Sunday morning reading about toasters.

None of the toasters I was considering cost very much.  They were all in the $20 – $50 price range.  More importantly, all I wanted was a toaster to toast my morning bagel, and all of them could do that just fine.  So I stopped analyzing, bought a toaster, and went back to enjoying Sunday morning with my wife Heidi.

It’s incredibly easy to spend time on things that don’t really matter.  If you are not careful, all of sudden you’ll find yourself deep in thought reading toaster reviews, and forfeiting your favorite time with your family.

We live in a world that offers a gluttony of choice. (Do we really need hundreds of toasters to choose from?)  Sometimes the right choice is to choose quickly, and get back to living your life.

Have you fallen into the 30-minute toaster trap?

You Are Human, Too

I can’t believe I did that. What was I thinking?

The answer was staring me in the face. How could I be so stupid?

Why can’t I lose this weight? I know what I have to do, eat right and exercise. Why am I so lazy and undisciplined?

Sound familiar? Do you often engage in self-attack, beating yourself up for not doing it perfect – err, perfectly?  Do you call yourself names in a vain attempt to whip yourself into shape?

I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but you are human, just like the rest of us. We all make mistakes and we all have our struggles. It is just part of life.

Self-attack is never a winning strategy. Self-shaming is self-defeating. It drains our confidence and leaves us feeling discouraged, often driving us to engage in the exact behaviors we are trying to avoid. When we beat ourselves up for eating that donut, we feel depressed. And all too often, we grab another donut to soothe ourselves.

Catch yourself the next time you consider calling yourself stupid or lazy. Try substituting self-compassion for those degrading self-attacks. Embrace your humanity, and remind yourself that we all struggle, and that life is about progress, not perfection.

Forgive yourself as you would a friend, and move forward with the resolve to do a little better next time.

Next time you struggle, can you try a little self-compassion?

Why Won’t They Let Me Help?

Sometimes, it is hard to help our family. We notice our parents or siblings struggling financially. We offer assistance. They look at us, acknowledge our generosity, and then politely say no.

Why?

Here’s what they might be thinking.

You might need the money. Most of us don’t discuss our finances with family members. Your family member may not know how much money you have, or how this gift will impact you. They might fear today’s gift threatens your future lifestyle.

If you are confident you won’t miss the money, let them know.

I don’t want to be judged. Your family member might fear you will judge them harshly if their future spending decisions don’t align with your values. A gift with expectations about future spending is not a gift. It is a deal. I will do this for you, and you will do this.

Tell them you have no hidden expectations. (Unless it is a deal, and then be clear about your expectations.)

I don’t understand why you offered.  Do you have more than enough money and struggle with what to do with it all? Helping someone we love often leaves us feeling satisfied, even joyful. The truth is as you are helping them, they are helping you.

Tell them accepting the gift will add joy to your life.

All You Have To Do Is Notice

The opportunity is right before your eyes.

Every day, the world offers each of us multiple chances to make a positive difference in the lives of those around us. We can compliment a work colleague for a job well done. We can check in on a friend who has been struggling. We can make a small charitable donation. We can leave our server a little larger tip.

It doesn’t cost much to make a difference. Just a little investment of time and money, and the payoff is huge. It feels great to make a positive difference.

So, why don’t we do it more often? Because we are so busy running from place to place, so busy doing our to do’s, that we simply don’t notice the opportunity to connect, the chance to help.

Slow down. Take a breath. Pause and notice the world around you. Every day, look for the chance to make that positive difference. When you notice it, seize the opportunity. Add a little happiness to your life.

What can you do to notice the opportunity?