Why Me? (Part Two)

Why was I so fortunate to be born in America in the 20th century?  Why was I so lucky to be the child of two wonderful parents who not only gave me good genes but instilled in me the love of learning and the value of hard work?  Why was I blessed with natural abilities that helped me thrive in my professional career (but alas, prohibited a career as a shortstop)?  Why have I been so lucky to avoid a serious illness?

We often lament “Why me?” when faced with adversity. Yet, we rarely ask “Why me?” when we experience good fortune. Somehow, we feel as if we are entitled to all of these blessings.  We often fool ourselves into thinking that we are solely responsible for our success and good fortune.

But if we’re being honest, we know that is not true. We are only partially responsible for our success. We worked hard, made some good choices, and applied our natural talents to build a successful career. We have acted with integrity and caring to create satisfying relationships. We have done our best to be a good spouse, parent, child of aging parents and friend.

We certainly deserve some of the credit – just not all of it.  Because we have also been extraordinarily lucky.

Take a moment and think of five blessings in your life that are just good luck.  Can you feel a sense of gratitude arising within you for your good fortune? As that sense of gratitude builds, perhaps you also feel compassion for all those folks who have not been so fortunate or who have not had the same opportunities.

This exercise might increase your compassion for others, but chances are it will do even more for you personally because it is virtually impossible to be happy without developing a sense of gratitude and compassion.

So, the next time you feel the world is beating you down, take a moment to ask “Why me?” and think about all your blessings.

Thomas Jefferson Was Wrong

We all remember Thomas Jefferson’s famous line in the Declaration of Independence, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”  I am all in favor of life and liberty, but with all due respect to our founding father, pursuing happiness just doesn’t work.

When we pursue happiness, we focus on ourselves and what we lack in life. We view life as a race and our thoughts often turn to the pleasures money can buy. We fantasize about the new car, the luxury vacation, or the freedom of having more money. We might even get those things we pursue, and enjoy the short-term boost of excitement and satisfaction they bring. But, alas, those feelings fade all too quickly.

Happiness is built on the foundation of a stable lifestyle, but beyond the amount of money we need to meet our basic needs, we find happiness in the quality of our most important relationships, in our ability to engage in challenging activities that ignite our passions, and from making a difference in the lives of others.

Creating a happy life requires us to shift our focus outward. To build great relationships, we must listen to others with a caring attitude and without judgment. To find challenging activities that ignite our passions, sometimes we must look for the intersection of what the world needs with what we love to do. To make a positive difference in the lives of others, we must be aware of and respond to what is happening in the world around us.

If you want to be happier, stop pursuing happiness. Start focusing on your most important relationships, seek out opportunities to do what you love, and use your wealth to make a positive difference in someone’s life.

And, who knows, you might just end up happier.  That’s an inalienable right I can wholeheartedly support.

The Terminator, R2-D2 & You

What do the Terminator and R2-D2 have in common?  Physically, they are very different and they play very different characters in the movies. The Terminator is focused (at least in the first movie) on destroying humanity, but R2-D2 tries to save humanity. But even with all their differences, they have something in common that makes them completely different from any of us: they are robots, while we are biological beings.

Unlike robots, our human bodies need to be nurtured.  And not just once in a while, but every day.

Your body and mind are key elements of your wealth. Yes, you can push yourself to get by on less sleep, little exercise, and an unhealthy, fast food diet.  But don’t kid yourself.  If you fail to nurture your mind and body, you eventually will pay the price, just as you would by skipping the routine maintenance on your car.  You will feel run down, think less clearly, and have a harder time accessing your wisdom.

If you feel your body and mind are somehow different – that you are perhaps more robot than human – I challenge you to spend one month sleeping 8 hours a night, exercising 30 minutes a day, and eating a healthy diet.  My hunch is you will be amazed at how much better you feel, and how much more effective you will be at work and at home.

Happy Marriage, Happy Life

One of the keys to my personal happiness is having a good relationship with my wife, Heidi.  Over the years, I have learned three key pieces of wisdom for a happy marriage.  You might have found different ideas that work for you.

The first is to share the positive.  Every day, I make sure I notice and tell Heidi about something that I love and appreciate about her.  The second is to not let things stew.  When I am feeling frustrated with Heidi, expressing those feelings sooner rather than later helps us resolve the issue instead of letting it fester.  Third, I make a point of respecting Heidi’s individual journey. My role is not to tell Heidi how she should live her life.  Rather, I strive to listen, to offer advice only when asked and to support her journey to the best of my ability.

Happy marriage, happy life.

The Power of Community

Communities allow us to thrive.  It is incredibly difficult, virtually impossible, for most of us to be happy in isolation.

• In a community, we feel safe because we know other people will be there to help us when the inevitable tough times arise.
• In a community, we can focus on our Signature Talents™ and our passions because we can take advantage of our differences.
• In a community, we can create shared meaning.

Communities that embrace our values empower us.  Healthy communities create the setting for healthy relationships.  Great communities allow ordinary people to do extraordinary things.

But communities come at a cost.  Being part of a community inevitably results in the loss of some personal freedoms.  When we are part of a community, we must adhere to the rules of that community.  We must show up at work on time.  We must do some tasks we don’t fully enjoy.  We must sometimes give of ourselves for the good of the whole.  Yes, communities come at a cost, but communities are where many of us find happiness.

Financial News at the Urinal

I was in a restaurant last week that had a TV in the restroom streaming live market updates.  Is our society so addicted to market updates that we can no longer go to the restroom in peace?

We are constantly bombarded by financial news; it penetrates every moment of our lives, gives us information that serves no worthwhile purpose and distracts us from what really matters in life.  Stop focusing on the market’s daily gyrations and start focusing on what really matters in your life.  For me, that is the quality of my most important relationships, doing things I love, and making a positive difference in the lives of others.

Next time I go to the restroom, I’m hoping for sports highlights.

Keep Score, Keep Losing

Americans love to compete, and we love to win.  Many of us use money as a way to keep score.  Are we as financially well off as our friends and neighbors?  In some cases, we feel victorious.  At other times, we might feel like we are falling behind.  But whether we feel like we are winning or losing, using money as a way to keep score distracts us from what really matters in life.

Using money as a scorecard implies you are in a game with abstract rules and a definite end, such as: The person who dies with the most money wins.

That is a terrible mindset for two reasons:

1. It is a game we can never win.  No matter how rich we become, we will always know someone who has more money.
2. It implies that that our legacy should be all about how much money we leave behind.  That is not only sad, it is absurd.

Our real legacy is reflected in the quality of our most important relationships and the positive differences we make in the lives of our family, friends and the strangers we touch.  That’s a game we can win.

Your Money Or Your Life

Do you remember this classic Jack Benny joke?  A mugger sticks a gun in Benny’s back and says, “Your money or your life.”  Benny pauses, put his chin on his fist, and finally responds, “I’m thinking, I’m thinking.”  The audience howls with laughter.

In real life, we all know the right answer to that question.  We choose life.  But all too often, we act the other way.  We act as if money, not time, were our most precious resource.  We stay at jobs we don’t enjoy, we delay the family vacation until we have saved a little more, or we endure long daily commutes taking time away from our family.

The next time a mugger approaches you and demands your time, remember Jack Benny, and never forget that time, not money, is your most precious resource.

Got that, Rochester?

Julie Andrews’ Mistake

Endings first, beginnings second.  That can’t be right.  Didn’t Julie Andrews teach us in The Sound of Music, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start?”

The truth is virtually all beginnings in life start with an ending.

Before we can make a change in our life, we must end what we have been doing.  This is true whether it is a new job, a new relationship, or even a new investment strategy.  Thinking about what we have just experienced gives us wisdom and insight into how best to form the next new beginning.

Before you race headlong into your next beginning, take a moment to consider the following four questions:

1. What were the positives of your recent experience?
2. What would you like to repeat?
3. What were the challenges you encountered?
4. What did you learn about yourself that you can help you succeed as you move forward?

The end.

Easy Lives Are Not Great Lives

Life is not always simple and easy.  Life is about the quality of our most important relationships, our ability to be engaged in high challenge and high skill activities that grab our full attention, and making a difference in the lives of others. Great lives are built when we work hard and struggle to make our lives better in each of these areas.  Evidence suggests we are happiest when we are growing and learning.  All growth involves struggle. Easy lives are not great lives.